I’ve been struggling with something recently. I have feelings for two women, two completely different women and it’s not that I haven’t been here before, but as an adult the situation becomes a bit more complex…especially when I work with them.
I’ve been getting to know V now that we’ve been working together so closely, and to be completely honest, I’ve grown quite fond of her. She isn’t exactly my type, but isn’t that what it’s all about? Being pleasantly surprised by something or someone you never thought could or would happen? Maybe it was the 36 questions. I hate to say I told you so, but I did.
At first I wasn’t sure, because she seemed stuck up and unapproachable. I mean, there was that whole first encounter with the stapler, but I let that go because it doesn’t mean anything in the long run. I’m not one to believe that first impressions are everything and the more I’ve gotten to know her, the more I realize that she’s one of the most easygoing people I’ve ever met. I feel like that’s why I can be myself around her and share stories with her, even the not so great ones (like my first assignment). She doesn’t judge me, which is refreshing because I feel like people have judged me my entire life. V’s the kind of girl who lives for the moment. If I called her to hang out right now I know she’d be up for it.
And then there’s Jenna, a pain in the ass of course, but a pain in the ass with a heart of gold. (Even though she may not show it, we all know it’s there). I love that she challenges me and doesn’t put up with my bullshit. I like it because it keeps me in line. It’s also fun, because I know how to push her buttons…and she knows how to push mine. We’re completely opposite people, but there’s that old saying right? I think that there’s a balance we could have, that maybe V and I couldn’t. But I can’t be sure.
When it comes to talking about how we truly feel for another person it’s not easy and that’s only the first step. It’s the hardest step because we’re all too afraid of what might happen next. I’m talking about myself here as well. Maybe it’s because of a past relationship that didn’t go the way that we wanted it to, or maybe it’s because of everything we’ve been fed about love and lust and how it’s all supposed to be.
I have to remind myself that there’s no right or wrong way of going about it, there’s only here and now, this moment. People, come and go. There isn’t just one person out there who is right for you. But here’s the thing, I’ll never know what happens next if I don’t take the chance now. Something might come of it, or I could risk ruining a great friendship.
Falling for two people definitely isn’t easy.